So, a Quidditch match at Hogwarts, right? Slytherin vs Gryffindor (yeah yeah obvious, I know shut up). And all of a sudden there’s this STAMP STAMP CLAP from the Gryffindor stand and all the Muggle-borns start singing/screaming WE WILL ROCK YOU across the pitch towards the Slytherins. And then there’s this little pause while the Muggle-born Slytherins (you know those fuckers are there, don’t deny it) have a really speedy chat, and then they retaliate with WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!

and the wizards are just standing there like what the fuck is going on??

Since it is 4/20 I will tell everyone a story relating to pot.

…me and my friend were at the Renaissance Festival and he went to the bathroom in one of those claustrophobic port-o-potties, then came back and reported that whoever had been in there before him had lit up some majorly good stuff

and he was convinced he had gotten some kind of contact high off it

It was hilarious until we realized that we’re military recruits and he was going to get drug tested soon, and it could show up on a hair follicle test

but don’t worry, in the end he just straight up told his recruiter about it and so they knew it was going to show up on the test, and they just sorta hand-waved it like “whatever you’re good”

Man that could have been a really bad situation, but in the end it wasn’t. 420 blaze it and praise it amen.



shoutout to all the other ex-gifted & talented/honor student/straight a/senior editor/star student/99th percentile/once-creative burn-outs who have, since high school, realized they are truly miniscule fish in a giant, endless ocean, criticized themselves to the point of creative paralysis, and participated in so much self-sabotage they no longer see the point of doing anything at all because they’re just going to ruin it for themselves anyway


this one’s for you

So like a friend of mine lives down this really long road and it’s super dark at night and there’s a ton of sharp curves, and reckless deer and boars run around, oh and also there’s a bar that I have to pass to get to his house

And any time I leave his house at night, he asks me to text him so he’ll know I got home safe

and if you don’t think that’s the sweetest thing then get out of my face